therestlessnest

where life's not empty, it's restless.

Archive for the month “February, 2015”

Watching Still Alice

images“I wish I had cancer,” 50-year-old Alice Howland says to her husband, not long after learning she has younger-onset Alzheimer’s disease. With cancer, she explains, come pink ribbons and talk of empowerment and courage. With Alzheimer’s, she sees only shame and isolation ahead. The end of her career. The distaste and inevitable distancing from friends and family. And she is right. Though the Alzheimer’s Association and many other advocates are doing everything possible to change our perceptions about the disease, we still have a long way to go towards the compassion and empathy with which we now view nearly all other illnesses.

images-1          Alice Howland is a fictional character, but in the movie Still Alice, Julianne Moore brings her to life with shattering clarity. A professor of linguistics at the top of her game, Alice is an almost unbelievable paragon of ordered, focused achievement. When she and her on-screen family are introduced, it’s hard to like them, they’re all so successful and so—chilly. It’s as if they live in a walk-in fridge, where everything is in its place and nothing is warm or sensual. But like a power outage in mid-summer, Alzheimer’s quickly breaks that down. We watch Moore melt in the middle of a presentation. We watch her forget that she just met her son’s new girlfriend. We see her panic because she can’t find the bathroom in her own home. Meanwhile, her husband and three grown children respond as they are able, or not. Turns out it’s the youngest daughter Lydia, played by Kristen Stewart, who has the love and depth to handle the horror of caring for Alice as she crumbles. julianne-moore-kristen-stewart-watch-julianne-moore-and-kristen-stewart-shine-in-new-still-alice-trailer

Still Alice had me from the first minute. Alice’s story is not my mother’s, but it was close enough to make me squirm. My mom was in her late 50s when she began to worry about her brain. Though she was not a Columbia professor, Mom was brainy and proud of it. And like Alice’s children, we were proud of our mother; proud of the fact she’d gone back to college after our parents divorced and earned a bachelor’s and a master’s degree. This made it even more surreal to have to accept Alzheimer’s as her fate. Still Alice brilliantly captures that surreal air that seeps into a family along with a diagnosis of early dementia, without the use of special effects or camera tricks but instead by staying very close to Alice and her ever more claustrophobic and confused point of view. Moore’s eyes say everything: not in a silent movie way but subtly, alternating between distilled effort and brackish flatness.

As I watched, I shifted from identifying with Alice and imagining the terror I know I will feel if Alzheimer’s turns out to be my fate to remembering how I was with my mother, identifying first with Anna, the severe oldest child who can barely stand to be in the same room as Alice and then with Lydia, whose heart is breaking but who is able to still treat her mom with humanity and grace. I wish I’d been Lydia more of the time. But this also is something the film captures so well: we don’t know until we get there how we’ll do. What will make us recoil and what will inspire us to rally.

10439509_10152589930319379_3980131392185575086_n         The most brutal scene for me was when Alice tries, and fails, to follow the suicide instructions she had left herself earlier in her illness. I remember reacting this way to the same scene in Lisa Genova’s best-selling book by the same name. It is perhaps the cruelest aspect of Alzheimer’s: death with dignity, as we call it in the state of Washington, is impossible. And yet: in the final scene of the movie, we see that Alice, now beyond words, is still capable, somehow, of love, thanks to the daughter who is still there to give it. I didn’t have Lydia’s strength and devotion. But lucky for me, I had brothers and sisters, children, nieces and nephews. Together, we did the best we could.

Still Alice is a small, slice-of-life film. It is only one Alzheimer’s story. But thanks to Julianne Moore, who has been nominated for an Oscar for her performance, and Kristen Stewart, who should have been, the movie treats this horrifying illness with exactly the compassion and courage that Alice moans is missing from the way we view Alzheimer’s: never guessing that by the end of her story, she herself will be raising the bar.

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Buy Her Beautiful Brain from the small or large bookstore of your choice. Find a bookstore here. Order the Kindle version here.

 

 

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Dateline Máncora

IMG_1585There are only so many ways to describe a beautiful beach. The true beauty of it, for writers and readers, is the way it allows your mind to travel lightly, far and wide, or to venture deeply and with great absorption, as you wish or as you dare, always returning to the anchor of the beauty before you. The surprise of it, on this trip, is that our beach is in Peru.

Peru is the Inca Trail, the glorious Andes, sprawling, sleepless Lima. It is also one of the most ecologically diverse countries in the world. From where I’m sitting now in Máncora, on the north coast, the Amazon basin is not far away. Nor are the snowy high sierras. But this coastal landscape is a rugged desert edged by a strip of long, curving bays and beaches.

We came to Máncora because it is a town my great-uncle and his family lived in for a year in the 1950s. It was a dramatic change from their elegant Lima home. My cousin Andy remembers Máncora as an 11-year-old’s backwater paradise, where he played in the dusty hills and on the sublime beach. We are in Peru to wrap up filming on our documentary, Zona Intangible, which was inspired by my great-uncle, who lived here for two decades and was a pioneer of Peru’s fishmeal industry. The film won’t be all about fishmeal or all about my uncle; it will, mostly, tell the story of a handmade city outside Lima where a clinic on a dusty back street bears his name and where the notion of what home is has taken on a new meaning. Is home a one-room shack on a hill of sand? A house in a fishing village where your father has decided you’ll live for this one year? Is it where your family lives, or is it where they came from?

Máncora is an easy-going town; a surfer’s paradise; the kind of place people roll into and stay longer than they thought they would. Our hotel—EcoLodge Máncora—is owned and run by French ex-pats. Much tinier than its name implies, it feels more like an old-fashioned guesthouse, the kind of place Graham Greene might have stayed, cross-bred with a tree-house that just kept getting bigger. The rambling “hostel” where we watched the Superbowl (Seattle friends: I will say nothing more on that front, I promise) featured a swimming pool, a ping-pong table, a cavernous bar with a big screen and many guests who appeared barely old enough to travel on their own. Maybe some of them will stay and make this their home for a while.

Rustin and I started our marriage living out of backpacks and traveling around the world for ten months. So sometimes, traveling feels a bit like an emotional home for us. A place where we’re comfortable together. Trips like this one—where we’re working for ourselves (Zona Intangible) and for others (the University of Washington’s Dept. of Global Health, which is doing amazing work in Peru) and also vacationing (the beach) feel natural to us. But, unlike during that first year of our marriage, we now do have a home, and it’s in Seattle. And as we near the end of this trip, we’re looking forward to getting back to it. Cold weather and all.

My Introduction to Memoir Writing class at Seattle Central College is now full! Next session will be in Fall 2015.

Buy Her Beautiful Brain from the small or large bookstore of your choice. Find a bookstore here. Order the Kindle version here.

I had a great conversation with Women in Film Seattle President Virginia Bogert that she turned into a member profile of yours truly. Thanks, Virginia!

 

 

 

 

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